How to Ask Your Husband If He's Having an Affair

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Then one day I moved in my best friend. He claims this has always been his plan but I feel like he is trying to fix getting caught. If this is one of your questions, your spouse probably told you that your marriage has been long dead and all that remains is the disposal of something no longer of value to anyone.

I see why divorce rate is so high. Once a cheater always a cheater — as some of the earlier commenters mentioned. Raise awareness of factors which predominantly affect Women's Mental Health like pregnancy and domestic abuse. This happens because they are no longer compatible with their own spouse.

Signs your partner is having an affair

We show her how to stop the divorce and get back to the important business of holding hands, laughing together and enjoying emotional and physical intimacy with the man she married. She regains her dignity, her confidence and her joi de vivre. I get the privilege of seeing relationships heal completely from those kinds of crises every day around here and it never gets old. When a woman calls and says her husband is having an affair, she always wants to know: Is it possible to save this marriage. Sometimes a good man has an affair as an inappropriate response to years of being deprived of oxygen in his marriage. And by oxygen, I mean respect. Maybe she rolled her eyes when he said he wanted to start his own business, or interrupted when she thought he was being too harsh with the kids, or told him to call a plumber when he wanted to fix the toilet himself. She joked about how she had three kids—meaning the two children and him. It was death by a thousand little cuts. With the supply of oxygen in the marriage dangerously low, any man is going to be inordinately susceptible to the attention of a woman who is respectful. Suddenly he feels needed and smart—the very feelings that attracted him to his wife initially. But I am saying that as a mere mortal man, a husband who has endured years of disrespect is highly vulnerable to an affair. You have so much power to get him back all to yourself for good and enjoy your birthright of being desired, cherished and adored by the man you married. We even have a saying about it: A wife with Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays. In other words, wives have more power than mistresses. If she uses her influence wisely, she wins every time. For one thing, he made a bigger commitment to you. He married you in front of God and everybody. Who knows how long that will last. He built his real life with you and all the things that hold that life together are still there—kids, cats, inside jokes, assets and years of shared experiences. Of course, you feel betrayed and furious at him. But as much as you hate her and I hate her for youa mistress can create urgency for practicing The Six Intimacy Skills that turns everything around. For me, it all started with a crisis. I was great wife material until, well, I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. The man who wooed me had returned. There would have to be huge incentive to make me want to stuff down my feelings to bring him to this elevated level. It why is my husband having an affair time for men to take some responsibility for their own relationships. I absolutely see where Susan is coming from. Personally I choose a close marriage and a less stress. I never thought I was gonna hear what I did. Him telling her he misses her everyday, how proud he is of her. So I confronted him, he denied it. So he calls her and calls everything off says he wants us to work. I heard him talking to her about me saying he never said he married the smartest person. He swears they never did anything sexual. Then I got his phone and pulled up and restored deleted messages. He says how beautiful her smile is. I am beyond broken, right now. I looked at phone records, they talked every day for hours from 7 am till night. I work take care of kids and be a sexkitten. He was in an empty office at my work using a work laptop. When our son was 2 months old I found that he had 2 online girlfriends who knew about me. He had an online relationship with them the whole time we were dating, engaged and married. I saw comments from them about our son. He had shown them our new baby. Kyrie, a couple of things come to mind. Next, I would get a coach, and practice the intimacy skills like my life depended on it, and focus on flirting with my husband and being the Goddess of Fun and Light he fell in love with. I would ask my coach to remind me when I got hurt and scared and forgot why my marriage is important. I would make myself crazy happy every day, and express gratitude where I could. I would see the affair as a symptom and remind myself that as the wife, I have all the power to restore the relationship. I think there is that fantasy world that has him in its grip — things were better with the mistress. I never loved my wife and she never loved me. He has tried to manipulate everything for a long time now. All my efforts he sees as empty or part of a manipulation. Verbally, kids, money, dream crusher, getting lazy, alcohol consumption, depression I sound terrible even to myself right now. Suddenly, he had a major life threatening accident. He was going through a major crisis. Through it all, I felt a major emotional disconnection with him. He had made an emotional connection with an ex coworker. He was confiding in her Of our problems. I know this because I had to snoop into his phone. Until the bomb dropped… He told me he no longer loved me. That I only appreciated him due to the accident after 22years together. I knew my worth, I will not beg… I said to him, the devil is dancing on our doorstep was he going to open the door. Im only in control of myself and actions. He is coming around slowly, taking it one day at a time. I have opened up to him vulnerability expressing my love for him. I look forward to hearing any feedback. Estrella, Sorry to hear about the distress in your marriage. I hear that you went through a period where you were nursing him back to being himself. Im also desperate to ask him more details about his fling as he still has contact with friends of hers but dont want to ruin how far we have come since last year. Bothers me alot sometimes and im scared to ruin what we have. He also has invited me to go and meet his friends, who will likely know all the details of their affair which I know nothing about. Things are so much better for our children and i dont want to ruin it. It sounds like things have improved quite a bit. You might consider applying for a complimentary discovery call to connect with one of my coaches and figure out the best move you can make for your marriage. Thank you so much Laura for all your advice and support. I believe a man has an affair because he no longer respects or loves his wife. People always blame the other woman. Perhaps all she did was fall in love, and fell for his promises of a future together, which he was too weak and scared to follow through. The man is generally just a self centred attention seeking egotist who uses the mistress for his own ego stroke. She gives up everything for him and would happily plan a future with him. How is she always painted as the bad guy. I see that happen all the time. Mistresses are always on shaky ground as a result. I understand you have a different perspective. I would love to see them get Intimacy Skills too so they could plan that beautiful future with why is my husband having an affair good man who is not already otherwise committed. Laura, I believe what you have said 100% to Amazeebee. I believe I have a good guy or I did…. He is planning his new life without met. I have deep admiration for your courage and commitment to your marriage. I certainly did not feel cherished, desired or adored when I started surrendering. Once I started practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, I got back the wonderful man I married. Now that I focus on making myself happy, he chooses me again and again, wanting to be with me and make me happy too. I am standing for your vision of saving your marriage. A wife with the Intimacy Skills trumps a mistress every day of the week and twice on Sundays. He stopped touching me, smiling, listening to me. He has an iPad and iPhone and most recently a smart why is my husband having an affair. He put a tracker on the iPad to find his phone, than he added his watch. I texted him and asked where he was at, his response was at work. Then I watched his phone start moving back towards his office. Well now he has his watch, the phone and watch were at two different locations. The watch was at the same location as the week before. Hi Laura this is my second time typing this incase the original pops up. He said that he misses her and that he loves them, she sends him pictures of her and the child, he also said in a message that I stress him out and they he is in love with me. She said that they are trying to be friends for their daughter because the child thinks they hate each other. I asked her why are they saying they love each other via text and having conversations about stuff other than their child. She said the he told her he loves me and plan to marry me this year. Is she covering for him I myself believe they are having an emotional affair. I also believe that they know their relationship could never work They were together ten years had a child and he never married her they had a bad end per the both of them. But they miss each other idk So My question is, is this something worth saving since he can not get rid of her fully or should I cut my losses. He said he is going Friday to get a marriage license so we can marryhe also signed up for marriage counseling for this Friday. He claims this has always been his plan but I feel like he is trying to fix getting caught. I think he does love me and he is trying but I think he still loves his ex which he denies but why text her that stuff. Is he capable of being faithful yes, I believe he could but is he worth all this drama and we are not married. S Why is my husband having an affair can see why it was so hurtful to see that message from your boyfriend to his ex. I lay them out step-by-step in my book, The Empowered Wife. You can read a free chapter here: I have been practicing the 6 intimacy skills for a few weeks now. Its hard as we are just so awkward with each other right now. He is having what appears to be an emotional affair. I have told him i do not expect him to cut off that friendship as its important to him. We have been getting along ok however i am just so sad about this so every few days i cry and we talk about it. He told me he wanted out of the relationship a month ago because i have been to hard to handle. Tonight he says he forgives me but why would i ever forgive him… I said i could it may not be an easy path but i love him and even though hes right here i miss him. He held me for a bit and let me why is my husband having an affair. I want to be that happy person but i feel so confused. I love your commitment and vulnerability, and I admire your willingness to forgive. I was so angry, I had to do a 180 to learn to make myself happy. I started to watch the webinar but had to stop. Thanks for telling me about it. I want to be fun again so im doing my own fun things for self care. But i do want to do things with him. Since wed i have not mentioned her the other woman or anything negative or anything to do with our relationship and he went from being cuddly with me i had demanded it i guess kindly but still. Hes spending lots of time with me including watching movies he literally just watched but he doesnt say much or initiate any affection. So on saturday i adked if he would want to go out for a bit. He pretty much made a i dont know gesture and then made a comment about the weather. I answered that and managed not to badger him for a reply about going out. Soon he came to me and suggested going out. This morning i did the same thing asked him to do something fun. We did some chores and then i said if you dont want to that fine too. So he said ok lets go… So my question. Is it ok for me to inititate kisses and hugs and doing things as long as i try my best to be respectful if the answer is no or i dont get anything back such as a spontaneous hug etc. I want to him to see me as the girl he dated. And i used to be the one who suggested stuff back then. I know that he went out with the other woman and messaged her that she had fun… I dont want to try to hard and chase him away. S, I love that you are focusing on your self-care, showing respect for his decisions and giving him the space to pursue you. That sounds very attractive and feminine to me. Practicing all 6 Skills attracted him back so I started feeling cherished, desired and adored, just like we were dating again. How would it fit for you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see how receiving more support from a coach would work for you. The call alone will bring you clarity. There are so many relationships guide out there these days. Laura — in the case of affairs, whether emotional or physical — what do you think about advisers who say to go away on holiday or just go out a lot with your girlfriends. I must say, though, your advice resonates with me. I should just implement it, I guess. What holds me back is I feel that doing what you say will turn me into a doormat and make him lose more respect for me. I guess that takes us back to allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. It is confusing to cut through all the advice to focus on what resonates with you. And it is scary to try something that might make you doormat material. I felt the same way when I discovered the 6 Intimacy Skills. Becoming a doormat was definitely not a fit for me. When I learned to focus on my own happiness with the 6 Intimacy Skills, I gained his respect. I would love to show you how to attract your man back without being why is my husband having an affair doormat or having to go all the way to China. I invite you to my upcoming Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills. Then one day I moved in my best friend. A month later i found out there where getting closer then there said. I thought about ending everything with my life. While I was in this state there moved in together. I want him back so bad he is my soul mate and the father of our 8 year old daughter. I know he just did this to prove something to himself and me. Your vulnerability and hope are beautiful. I remember how hurt I was when my husband retreated from me. All the reason they have the affair the wife would have the same reasons but usually do not. I went through cancer on my own while he hid, but demanded I pay attention to him. He wants someone to woo him, ooh and ahhh over him, but refuses to even lift a finger to reciprocate. Sad, mad, scared, feeling like an ostrich. I would be feeling sad, mad and scared too. I love your commitment to keeping your family together. I remember how angry and lonely I felt when, on top of having to do everything myself, my husband was retreating from me. Then I learned how to attract him back with the 6 Intimacy Skills. Now he is eager to make me happy and helps around the house every day. I invite you to my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills at. He was the most caring loving man, wonderful father to our 2 girls, great friend to all always helping this one and that one. Basically our lives in the last year changed dramatically for the both of us. Hubby helped me create a nursery in the spare bedroom. In September I see some texts on his cell from a girl when I confronted him well…. I checked the cell records and low and behold 200~300 texts a day since July. I used to play music while cooking dinner. Maybe was the straw that broke the camels back?.

He said he is going Friday to get a marriage license so we can marry , he also signed up for marriage counseling for this Friday. At the moment, we are trying to clean the mess this has created, he has recently lost his job and now the person that he betrayed the one and only true friend he has had in 16 years is the one trying to get his life back on track. I would rather be alone than with someone who felt they had to stay. In your case, perhaps it was the distance or having other options open in-front of him that lead him towards it, though it all does come down to how committed and strong a person is. Some take to the gym, exercise, games, sports, yoga, meditation, or take to antidepressants, while others might result in having an affair. If your relationship is in trouble you need to get help because your relationship is in trouble, not because your spouse might be cheating.